The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I. Love. Christmas.  Like so much.  Like maybe a little too much? I might be obsessed.  It's fine.  My Christmas season usually starts before Halloween because 1 month of being able to play Christmas music on the piano is just not enough.  Or 2 months... or 3 months haha.  Anyway, the point is Christmas is seriously the best time of the year.

Around Christmas, everything is prettier.  Christmas lights are twinkling in the distance while snow is falling all around you, Christmas music is playing in the background, and everyone is happy.  Christmas is magical! 

Well... Christmas is usually magical.  Except sometimes we don't have snow.  And sometimes Christmas lights don't get put up on your house because your dad is too scared to do it (when I get married Christmas lights are going to be required... just sayin).  And sometimes your brother refuses to listen to Christmas music because he is sick of hearing the same songs over and over again.  And sometimes you can't focus on Christmas because work and school are consuming your life and the only reason you have time to write this is because you were let out of class early.  But ya know what?  I still love Christmas.

I still love Christmas because Christmas isn't about the snow, music, or lights.  Don't get me wrong... they make it so much better.  But Christmas only exists because something happened. Christmas only exists because our Savior was born. 

So next time you are discouraged because your favorite Christmas song is never played on the radio (cough cough Christmas Shoes), or the snow is turning gray and ugly instead of white and sparkly, or you can't figure out what present you want to give to someone, stop and think about the true meaning of Christmas.  Because "maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store.  Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more..."

Merry Christmas everyone <3

My Biggest Trial

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more.  He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit...  I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith.  He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way.  They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father.  They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will." - Richard G. Scott

Apparently Heavenly Father has wanted me to grow a lot the past couple of years.  While I tend to disagree (who doesn't haha), I have felt His love and guidance as I have been trying to work through the trials I have been given.  My Heavenly Father loves me, and that is becoming more and more apparent to me every single day.

While I have had many opportunities for growth in the past couple of years, the biggest trial in my life started Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago.  

It's a super long story that I might tell one day, but this is still a very tender thing for me so we are going to keep it to a minimum.  Long story short I was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata. If you want to know more about it, I would be happy to talk with you.  Or to be completely honest Google probably knows more than I do haha.

Being a teenage girl is hard enough, so when I started losing my hair on top of it, it was rough.  I was confused and frustrated.  My confidence plummeted, and it was getting harder for me to be the sassy and happy girl I have always been.  It was miserable, but there was always something that kept me going.

I honestly didn't figure out what that thing was until recently.  I read the quote by Richard G. Scott and had 2 realizations.  1.  Heavenly Father had given me this trial for a reason, and it wasn't because I was doing something wrong, and 2. Heavenly Father has given me the strength to overcome this trial.  

At one point, I felt helpless.  None of the treatments were working.  I was still losing ridiculous amounts of hair and whatever regrowth that was there fell out within a few weeks of it starting to grow.  I was beyond the point of frustrated and my anger was being taken out on the one who loves me more than anyone else - my Heavenly Father.  I wanted to get better.  I wanted to understand why this was happening.  I just wanted to be me again.

A little while ago I decided I needed to stop being angry.  I tried to be positive about the situation, even though it was so much easier for me to be frustrated and annoyed.  And just like that, my prayers were answered.  I realized that "me" never left because hair never has and never will define me.  

That was a huge turning point for me.  I accepted the fact that right now, my hair isn't going to grow back.  I stopped searching for weird cures that I knew wouldn't work.  I stopped being frustrated with the doctors who told me to stop worrying about it because it was just a "cosmetic issue" (not true btw so you should definitely never tell me that.  Ok maybe I'm still a little frustrated with them haha).  More than anything, I stopped being angry at my Heavenly Father.

Instead, I made the decision to be grateful.  I am grateful that I still have the hair I have.  I am grateful I have been able to figure out ways to cover up the spots.  I am grateful for a ridiculously supportive family who is always willing to listen when I am having a rough day.  I am grateful for this trial because it has given me another opportunity to grow.  I am grateful to know that if I am ever having a rough day, I can always turn to my Heavenly Father because He loves me and will always be there to support me when I need it.  

I don't know if my hair will ever grow back, but I do know that I have become a better person because of this trial.  If I have learned anything from this trial, it is that I always have someone to turn to if I need help, which is something that I will always be grateful for. 

Birthday Party Fiasco

Today, I hosted 2 birthday parties at work.  They both had about the same number of people, with an equal ratio of adults and children, and the birthday kids were both 5 years old.  The only real difference was that one party was for a boy and one was for a girl.

We went and greeted the first party and brought them to the party room.  Immediately all of the adults sat against the wall and acted like their children didn't exist.  They wouldn't be a part of the activities, but were frustrated us when we didn't do the activities they wanted us to (even though they gave us zero direction on what they wanted).  Then, while paying for their party, they tried to get a discount because they weren't happy with all we did for them.

When it was time to greet the second party, I was worried it was going to be a similar experience to what happened during the first party.  Boy was I wrong.  This family was amazing.  They all took care of their children, and participated in the activities.  They were so excited to see all of the activities we had planned and wanted to help in any way they could.  If they wanted to do a certain activity, they told us and if possible we did it.  At the end of the party, while walking up to the front desk, they thanked us the entire time.  It was a complete turn around from the first party, and we all had so much fun.

Parents, play with your kids.  Strangers can only do so much.  I realize I am not a parent, but coming from someone who works with kids every day, the kids (and parents) always have a better experience when everyone is involved.

Alright, rant over.  Now I am just going to forget everything that happened at the first birthday party, and remember how much fun the second one was.  Also, I still have the greatest job ever.

Families are the Greatest

Last night I was supposed to study for a test I was going to take today.  That didn't happen, and honestly, I'm not even a little upset about it.  I managed to get the day off from work yesterday (miracles people), so the plan was to work on homework all day and go to bed early.

Well, that plan came to a screeching halt when the first little pitter patter came running through the door accompanied by "Meggy! Meggy!"  Obviously I couldn't ignore a 2 year old who came in the door saying my name!  So I played with her and her sister for about an hour before another pitter patter came running through the door.  Jayden came and started playing with us and we all had dinner together.  

After dinner, I started playing with these touchable bubble things we have.  Guys, they are seriously so fun! It was pretty easy to blow them up for 2, sometimes 3 depending on attention level, little kids.  But then the little pitter patter came running in the door again.  All of the nieces and nephews over at once?!  Ya right I'm actually going to do homework.  I was definitely the favorite, until I popped one of the bubbles while I was blowing it up of course. 

Once all of the kids had gone home, I realized homework wasn't going to happen.  So what did I do?  Played the piano and watched the new episode of Grey's Anatomy.  So, the test taking didn't happen today.  It will on Monday, accompanied with a $5 late test fee.  Should I care about that?  Probably.  Do I?  Not at all.  Because I love my family, and seeing them makes my day so much better.  They will always be there to support and love me, and I know that if I ever need anything from any of them they will gladly drop what they are doing to come help me.  Families are forever, and I definitely couldn't be any more grateful for that.

(First of all, Shawn's face is the cutest thing to ever exist.  Second, considering the fact we are missing 4 children we should probably get new family pictures Mom). ;)

Grandma

My Grandma Malan was the most amazing person.  I constantly hear stories about her church callings, her kindness, and her love for everyone around her.  I have been at the temple countless times and have people recognize my name and tell me about how my Grandma affected them.  I have always looked up to her even though I never really had the privilege of knowing her.  

My sweet Grandma passed away about 2 1/2 years ago.  Even though I grew up with her around me, I never truly knew my Grandma because she was diagnosed with Dementia when I little.  I grew up knowing my Grandma was a great person, but unfortunately only seeing little glimpses of her personality.  

When my Grandma passed away, it was very bittersweet for me.  I was so happy that she was finally able to be free from her body and able to go live with Heavenly Father, but it was really hard for me to hear my family reminisce and tell all of these stories from Grandma Malan while I didn't have a single one.  I almost felt guilty participating in her funeral when there were so many other people who loved her so much.

My participation in her funeral involved playing the piano for a musical number.  My dad chose an arrangement of If You Could Hie to Kolob by Marshall McDonald that I had been playing for a while.  As I was practicing for the funeral, I questioned if that was really the right song to play.  It was one of my dad's least favorite hymns and it didn't really have any meaning to any of us, but my dad chose it so I finished preparing it for the funeral.

Grandma's funeral was amazing.  It was incredible to see how many people loved my Grandma.  Of course, at the same time, that was terrifying for me.  I am a very shy person who really doesn't like to be the center of attention.  So ya know,,, piano solos were not terrifying at all.  Oh wait...  Once I started playing the song, it was like I was in my own little world and there was no one else around.  I was so relieved when I made it through the song.  

Because my Grandma was in the General Young Women's Presidency, Sister Elaine Dalton was one of the speakers at her funeral.  When she got up to speak, she read a verse of the hymn I played on the piano.

There is no end to glory;

There is no end to love;

There is no end to being;

There is no death above.

There is no end to glory;

There is no end to love;

There is no end to being;

There is no death above.

All of the sudden, everything made sense.  I knew why I played that song for the musical number, and I was so happy I did.  When these lyrics were read, a peace came over me.  Listening to those lyrics made me realize that even though I didn't have the chance to really get to know my Grandma in this life, I will have plenty of time in the next.  Until then, I will always think of the amazing example she is to me when I hear If You Could Hie to Kolob or see a little lamb with a black nose. 

I love you Grandma, thanks for watching over me and teaching me how to be an example to everyone around me.

Decisions are the Worst

To anyone bugged by run on sentences, excessive use of commas, and sentences that start with so, I apologize in advance.  I'm not a writer, and I definitely am not the type to usually do something like this.  But I decided I wanted to try something new and starting a blog is what won.  Who knows, maybe I will give up on the whole thing in a week ;)

I am a musician.  I always have been, and I always will be.  I don't know why I am so drawn to music, but I definitely am.  Here's the problem... I am drawn to so many other things as well.  I love math and science.  Politics is ridiculously interesting to me.  I love doing people's hair.  I was that weird kid who watched cake decorating shows on food network when I was 12 years old.  All of these interests have made me think they will eventually be a career at one point or another in my life.  Math teacher, hair stylist, cake decorator, chemistry teacher, politician, choir teacher, biochemist.  When the time came to start applying for college, I realized I had to actually choose a career.  Not cool!  I hate decisions, especially when it is something I am going to have to live with my entire life.  When those final college applications were sent in, I was all over the idea of biochemistry.  Until one day in seminary when everything changed and I realized I needed to go into music education so I could teach choir instead.  You are probably thinking that is a pretty big change.  No worries, I did too.  Anyway, I decided I was going to BYU and started setting up my path in order to be accepted into the music education program.

Then, over the summer, I started working in the Education department at Thanksgiving Point.  It was perfect!  I had a job that gave me experience in Education, and had so much fun doing it!  Things were going great, and I felt so good about my decision.

But... you guessed it.  That great feeling started to go away.  What was I thinking?!  Music is slowly being taken out of school.  By the time I graduate, am I even going to have a job?  Am I even good enough to be accepted into the Music Education program?  I said so many prayers asking if I had made the right decision, and the answer was always yes.  So, I pushed the thoughts away and continued to be excited for my new adventure.

Unfortunately, my new adventure came to a screeching halt when previous wrist injuries came back with a vengeance.  I quickly realized that no matter how much I wanted to, my wrists were not going to allow for me to play the piano all day.  In translation, there was no way Music Education was going to happen anymore.

So, I was back at square one.  I needed a new major, but which one?  Nothing felt right.  Then one day it clicked.  I loved my job.  I loved everything I got to do at work every single day.  I loved being able to see a child's face light up when they looked at skull with me and figured out which animal it came from.  I realized that I wanted to teach these things to kids every single day.

Now, my major is Elementary Education.  I don't know if I will actually end up graduating with that degree.  Heaven knows I have changed majors a ridiculous amount of times.  What I do know is I am happy.  I love my job.  I love my ward.  I love college.  I love where I am at in my life right now.  Most of all, I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is always willing to answer our prayers, even if it is about changing majors 18,000 times.