My Biggest Trial

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more.  He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit...  I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith.  He will place in your path packets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way.  They often come after the trial has been the greatest, as evidence of the compassion and love of an all-knowing Father.  They point the way to greater happiness, more understanding, and strengthen your determination to accept and be obedient to His will." - Richard G. Scott

Apparently Heavenly Father has wanted me to grow a lot the past couple of years.  While I tend to disagree (who doesn't haha), I have felt His love and guidance as I have been trying to work through the trials I have been given.  My Heavenly Father loves me, and that is becoming more and more apparent to me every single day.

While I have had many opportunities for growth in the past couple of years, the biggest trial in my life started Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago.  

It's a super long story that I might tell one day, but this is still a very tender thing for me so we are going to keep it to a minimum.  Long story short I was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata. If you want to know more about it, I would be happy to talk with you.  Or to be completely honest Google probably knows more than I do haha.

Being a teenage girl is hard enough, so when I started losing my hair on top of it, it was rough.  I was confused and frustrated.  My confidence plummeted, and it was getting harder for me to be the sassy and happy girl I have always been.  It was miserable, but there was always something that kept me going.

I honestly didn't figure out what that thing was until recently.  I read the quote by Richard G. Scott and had 2 realizations.  1.  Heavenly Father had given me this trial for a reason, and it wasn't because I was doing something wrong, and 2. Heavenly Father has given me the strength to overcome this trial.  

At one point, I felt helpless.  None of the treatments were working.  I was still losing ridiculous amounts of hair and whatever regrowth that was there fell out within a few weeks of it starting to grow.  I was beyond the point of frustrated and my anger was being taken out on the one who loves me more than anyone else - my Heavenly Father.  I wanted to get better.  I wanted to understand why this was happening.  I just wanted to be me again.

A little while ago I decided I needed to stop being angry.  I tried to be positive about the situation, even though it was so much easier for me to be frustrated and annoyed.  And just like that, my prayers were answered.  I realized that "me" never left because hair never has and never will define me.  

That was a huge turning point for me.  I accepted the fact that right now, my hair isn't going to grow back.  I stopped searching for weird cures that I knew wouldn't work.  I stopped being frustrated with the doctors who told me to stop worrying about it because it was just a "cosmetic issue" (not true btw so you should definitely never tell me that.  Ok maybe I'm still a little frustrated with them haha).  More than anything, I stopped being angry at my Heavenly Father.

Instead, I made the decision to be grateful.  I am grateful that I still have the hair I have.  I am grateful I have been able to figure out ways to cover up the spots.  I am grateful for a ridiculously supportive family who is always willing to listen when I am having a rough day.  I am grateful for this trial because it has given me another opportunity to grow.  I am grateful to know that if I am ever having a rough day, I can always turn to my Heavenly Father because He loves me and will always be there to support me when I need it.  

I don't know if my hair will ever grow back, but I do know that I have become a better person because of this trial.  If I have learned anything from this trial, it is that I always have someone to turn to if I need help, which is something that I will always be grateful for.